Monday, December 6, 2010

I wanna inspire you.

I wanna inspire you. I wanna motivate you. I wanna enlighten you. I wanna show you all the things you never thought were possible. Show you that no matter what pain you may endure, no matter physical or emotional, you can accomplish anything. I have been undergoing some crazy physical and emotional changes over the last month. The emotional came first. My heart opened up and the light shone in. The clouds were washed away from my eyes, and I was able to see clearly for the first time in a long time. It was only then, that I could finally see that I was wasting away. I'm 30 years old and I saw nothing but a dark black hole in front of me for years to come. I realized that I had to take control back of my life. It's a process...a slow one at that, but every day gets a little better. I get a little stronger, a little happier. I've been exercising daily for a little over a week now, minus the weekend. Today, it was twice. I feel so alive, so energized, and I want everyone to feel what I feel. Everyone who knows me knows that I've been living my days in pain, afriad to do much for fear of increasing pain. Since I've been exercising I feel physically stronger, mentally clearer, and a sense of spiritual strength arising in me. I can do more without hurting as soon. It almost gives me a little hope that maybe, just maybe, when I reach my goal...that physically I will feel enough less pain, that I will be able to put off the hip surgery a bit longer. Only time will tell...just gotta keep pushing and pressing on.

I wanna inspire you...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Frost on Glass - a post in pictures

the Beginning of Christmas

It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas!!! Yesterday, the little guy and I decorated our little front porch trees that we went searching for last week. They are so adorable, and he had so much fun. We then went out to the Hollywood VFD. They were having a holiday party and tree lighting. We got there and played a few games and did a few crafts. The kids got some prizes for doing a good job. Then we went outside and watched the parade of firetrucks and other emergency vehicles as they rolled down the highway in front of the firehouse. Then they came around through the parking lot and we got to see Santa and help countdown to the lighting of the Christmas tree. It was so pretty!!! Unfortunately, Isaiah was not up for visiting with Santa, so we went ahead and went home. It was a lot of fun and Isaiah got a super surprise when we got home and our own tree was up and lit. Tonight begins the fun of actually decorating!!!

Ready to go to the firehouse!
Decorating one of our "Charlie Brown" trees on the front steps.

Decorating an ornament at the firehouse.


Santa coming in on a firetruck!

All lit up!

Too cute :)


Early bird present for Isaiah ;)

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Tonight was our monthly Mom's Night Out, and this month we went to Asahi for some hibachi. It was a lot of fun, although my belly wasn't too happy afterward. :-x We ate and talked and had a merry ol' time, then went over to Joann's Fabric to look around before heading to the bar. Then had some more mommy time at Cadillac Jack's bar chatting and laughing. Sang a little karoake but it's was very off night for that! LOL - either we were off or the sound system was off cause we sounded horrible even on songs we normally sound so good at. Haha! Anyways - I'm *really* excited for next months outing. We're going to go to a woman's self defense class!!! It sounds like a lot of fun, something new, and a great way to learn how to protect ourselves from the bad guys! I totally can't wait! I'm so excited for all the fun festivities coming up in December. Makes my heart feel super happy...oh dear, I think I watch too many cartoons. :)
On a side note, I think my body hates me. How is it, that I can begin eating better and be more active and my weight goes up??? It could be that *girly time* bloating, but I don't know. I really hope it is, cause it's kinda heartbreaking when you feel so good and then you see that. But like the old saying goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day"! So, yea, I just have to keep it up and stay strong and I'll be better for it in the long run.

Friday, November 26, 2010

We're off to see the Wizard!

Ok, so maybe we're not *really* going to see a wizard, although some days I really wish I could. Tonight, however, me and the kiddo were laying in bed like we do on his non-school nights to watch movies and cartoons. We were watching old school 1980's Care Bears episodes when I started falling asleep. Imagine that! Anywhoo - Dad pops in and says that "The Wizard of Oz" has just come on. Now, Isaiah has *never* seen the movie, nor even heard of it or had a clue as to what it was. Even I don't watch it every year all the way through. So I asked him if he wanted to keep watching Care Bears or put on this other movie Grandpa just told us was on. He says, "the other one," so I give it a go. I really had no expectations of how he would react. Well, maybe I did. Ok, ok...i definitely did. I thought *for sure* he would watch about 5 minutes and tell me he didn't like it and to turn it off. Well, boy was I in for a surprise, because he watched the entire movie!!! He really liked it, and something about watching it this time with him made it a whole new experience. Aside from the fact that every 30 seconds he was asking me questions about the movie that had no answers, like, "Well, where did the tornado go after it left there?" Really son? Haha - he's so very literal when it comes to movies. He really analyzes every aspect and you gotta be prepared to think hard, because he will not back down! So that was that, our first "Wizard of Oz" experience together was a hit! I'm sure there will be many more viewing during the rest of the holiday season. :)

P.S. It's on the DVR ;)

Chugga Chugga Choo choo!

Well, Thanksgiving is all done! I made a wonderful feast for that lovely day. Had 2 pieces too many of my pumpkin roll, but it's a new day today. I had my Vitatop Muffin and drinking my coffee while I do my blogging updates. My new goal is to write at least every other day, even if it's just ramblings about nothing. :) I have a goal of losing 10 pounds by Christmas. I want to come out of this holiday season more in shape that I was going into it. If I keep my heart and mind focused and committed then I *know* I can accomplish this goal. It's crunch time now. There is a little more than half a year away and I hope to begin my new journey of hip replacements. I need to strengthen those muscles and stretch them out to hopefully gain some sort of range of motion before the surgery comes. I'm going to see a chiropractor soon and see what sort of help they can give me as well to prepare for surgery. It's a scary, but exciting, road ahead of me, and I'm ready to face it head on!

Thanksgiving 2010

Yesterday was a great Thanksgiving. Aside from a slight family issue the night before, yesterday was pretty darn good. I did ALL the cooking for the first time. Turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and gravy. (Side note* funny typo in that before I fixed the word "gravy" I had wrote "crazy"...guess that's how I feel huh? LOL. So yea, it was so very yummy. Even my picky boy tried my 7 layer dip and ate it up! He ate half the can of cranberry sauce. Then after 3 days of me trying to get him to try the pumpkin rolls, HE DID!!! We munched out on 2 slices and he LOVED it! It was a very happy moment. I think the best part of the day is when we were snuggled up watching Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving and he gave me a hug and said, "Thanks for Thanksgiving Mom!"

My sweet boy is exactly what I'm most thankful for.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Just keep swimming...

It's been 2 weeks since my "quit smoking" day. I've done pretty good I think. I slipped up 2 times. Once was a social thing, and once was me being mad at something. The last slip was about a week ago, and I've been doing good since. My head definitely feels much clearer since I've been trying to quit.

On a personal note that I didn't reveal before, a big part of this decision to quit was the true final ending of my on again, off again 3 year relationship. It's been a rocky road. The good times definitely out weighed the bad times, but I believe now that maybe we just really weren't meant to be. He was a great person, a good man. I think that we were trying to hold on to what we had, because it was pretty much both of our first real relationships. We *wanted* it work. We *wanted* it to be for the long haul. Now that there's been a real ending, not an ending with the prospect of getting back together "when things get better", I actually feel free. At first I was hurt. I begged for an answer. Within that begging I was hoping and praying that what we had wasn't about to really end for good...but it was, and it did. Something happened that day tho. I got mad, but I didn't cry. By the end of the day, I decided that this was the beginning of a new phase in my life. This was the night that I decided to smoke my last cigarette (minus a few slip ups). The day I decided I was worth more than how I was treating myself in so many ways. I'm eating better...much better. I still have slip ups in that area as well, but it's a process. Any addiction is a process and takes time. I've been more active, even if it's just doing more around the house, doing more outside, and doing more with Isaiah. I feel like a new person. I feel a sparkle in my eyes. I feel a smile on my face for no reason. Quite simply...I feel happy again. I feel alive. I think i've held myself down for so long, that I didn't know how to live. I lived in a world of "oh pity me", but I'm over that. My life is what I make it...and I will make it great. <3

And the days go by...

I can't believe how fast this year has gone. There's been so many ups and downs, but at this time everything looks up. Not a whole lot has really changed, but I see life a little clearer now. I'm happy with my little guy. He's doing SO good in school. He's at the top of his class, and doing super good. At home we're starting to work on reading, and he's picking it up really fast now. I saw a friend of mine post about her first grader and knowing all of his "sight words" so I looked them up, and now that's our focus. There's I think 4 different levels of the words, with about 200+ words total. Before learning about this I had started teaching him a new word or two every night during out bedtime story time. He picked up about 10-13 words in less than a week. He can write all of his letters, but right now we have to work on SLOWING DOWN! Since he knows how to write them, he does it very fast, and therefore it looks sloppy. We do a little addition and subtraction on the side, and learning money when he gets his allowance.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!!! Can you believe it??? We normally have a late Thanksgiving dinner and eat around 5 or 6. This year, though, I'm gonna switch it up. Gonna get up early and get things cooking so we can eat around like 2ish and then again later in the evening if we get hungry. Yesterday I made THE most amazing pumpkin rolls. It was my first time making them, so there was a little trial-and-error on the rolling part. By the 3rd roll, however, I figured it out. Some hours later, after they spent time in the fridge, I had a slice...and OMG sooooo delish!!!! I'm very happy I gave them a try. Oh, and did I mention that I made them from a REAL pumpkin? Yea, not the can crap...I rock, the end. HAHA!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Beginning of a Change

So I just finished sitting outside in the cool fall air and smoked my last cigarette. When I lit it I realized how truly symbolic it was. It represented all that is toxic. The pain and hurt, the jealousy and resentment, the anger, the heartbreak, the bad habits. As it got smaller and each time I blew out the toxic smoke, it felt like I was letting go of a little piece of each of those. Letting go of everything that has held me back my whole life. It's time to breathe free. It's time to let go. It's time to move on, time to heal. I know that through the strength of myself and with the help of God, I will become a better person. A better daughter, sister, friend, and mother. I will be better. I am better. I am worth it.

I am free...

Friday, October 8, 2010


So, my disability was denied yet again. This time though, it was after I had a hearing. Had a lawyer, had a judge, had a hearing...denied. Who gets denied at that point???? Everyone I've heard talk about disability has always said at that point you'll get an approval. The thing that pisses me off the most is that they said I exaggerated my condition. REALLY???!!?? They do not live with what I live with...they cannot say that. It just makes me so mad that people who have true conditions don't get any help - while those who are too lazy to do something get it. Oh, I can't, LEARN! This is beyond my control...yet I get nothing. It's horrible. I could appeal again, but I don't have it in me to wait another 2 years for a hearing only to be denied again. So, I've been sending out my resume to ads I find on and hopefully I'll hear something soon. I'm so ready to get my life in order. I'm still trying to lose weight...i've been eating pretty ok, have my slip ups, but still trying to keep it in moderation.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Down, down, down...

Down 5 pounds!!!!! Finally made it to 155! I'm hoping to lose 5 pounds a month. If I can by next summer I should be about 115, which will make my hip replacement SO much easier!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

My baby started school!!!

I can't believe my little guy has been in school for 2 weeks already. He LOVES it! He loves riding the bus, he loves school, he loves it all. The break in the morning is pretty nice for mommy too. ;) He's in pre-k, and goes 5 days a week, for almost 3 hours a day. He's behaving great, which I love! I think he's gonna fly through with no problems, as everything they're doing right now, he totally already knows. LOL - I do love this enthusiasm so much tho, and hope he keeps it up as the years go on!

Busy busy!

So my little man started pre-k!!! It's so exciting :) He loves it and momma loves it too LOL. So the bus stop is at the end of our road, and it's a 1/4 mile walk down there. The first week I walked it once either in the morning or afternoon. So far this week I've done it both morning and afternoon EVERYDAY. It feels good mentally, but physically my body is tired. I just keep telling myself that all that is left is this afternoon and tomorrow, then I get 2 day break over the weekend. I can do it, I know I can, and my body will totally thank me for it soon, I just have to be patient and keep pushing on!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I think I can, I think I can

July is FINALLY over. It seemed like the month that was never going to end. LOL! It has however. Now it's August, and well, in 20 days my sweet little boy will be starting school. The time has flown by these past 4 years. He's excited and so am I. I think he's going to do so good! As for me, I'm doing good. Still hanging around the 157 mark. I'm currently reading the South Beach Diet book, because I think it has what I need for my body to be successful in losing weight. With my PCOS it's always been about "low carb" - but I honestly feel that it's more along the lines of the "right carb". This book is bringing out a LOT of information about blood chemistry and how what we eat determines how it all works out. Over the years I've done my body a lot of damage and it's time to change it and get it all in check. If diabetes, which is all insulin resistance, can be cured through diet and exercise...why can't PCOS? I'm determined to find out. I want to change my whole lifestyle of eating, and when I reach my goal weight I want to get re-tested for PCOS and see what the results are. Could be very interesting. Another thing I'm working on is getting in my SLEEP! For one, I know my body will greatly benefit from it, and second, since Isaiah starts school soon we have to start waking up early cause he's in the morning class that starts at 9am. The past two days I've done well. The first night I was asleep by 12:30am, and woke up on my own at 6:15am. Only took a 15 minute nap yesterday and went to bed around 10:45pm. I woke up a lot through out the night though last night, and it was harder to wake up in the morning. We woke up around 8:30am, but I feel SO much better than I would have if I would have went to bed at 2am. However, waking up at 8:30am will NOT work once he goes to school since class starts at 9am! LOL - guess it looks like I had more to write about that I thought. Until next time!

First Baseball Game

This past weekend Chris & I took Isaiah to his first baseball game. Went to a Southern Maryland Blue Crabs game and had a lot of fun! They played York and ended up winning 5-1. Now Isaiah is all ready to play T-ball come the fall. I'm pretty excited about it too!!! We've been playing a little outside and he hits pretty good! Just gotta work on catching with him.

Water Park Fun

No better way to show how fun water parks are then through pictures.

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