Still here

I'm still around...just working on trying to fix the damage i've done. Part of the day I'm good, part of the day I'm not. Blah. That goes for my eating that is. My groin is still healing and still hurting. I do what i can, but trying to rest it as much as I can so that it will hopefully heal faster. I can't wait to be able to go for walks in this beautiful weather!!

As Suspected

Weighed in today at 154.8...makes me sick. I can't believe I let myself do so crappy over a hurt hip. No more pity parties for me! Did go to the dr. today to see what he says about it...he said just go back to the orthopedic. I'll try the medicine the ER doc gave me for 2 weeks, and if it's not better then I'll call. Blah - gotta do something tho! Gonna try doing the wii fit later and see if it helps some to do some light exercise.

What a weekend.

It was a learning experience that's for sure! I'd never thought of myself as an emotional eater...til now. The last I posted I was excited cause I had a 2 pound loss or so. The next day was when my hip went out on me...not cool! So, I ended up in pity party mode and though I didn't eat a lot...it was all CRAP. I'm disappointed in myself, but I'm not going to let it control me. I did a little better today. Could have done without the chocolate cream pie - but it was oh so yummy. LOL...bad bad me. I go to the dr. for my hip follow up tomorrow so we'll see what he thinks. I'm not so sure that it's really a pulled groin. I'm thinking either pinched nerve or my hip has taken a dramatic turn for the worse. It sucks cause the only thing that gives full relief is a hot shower. I'm guessing there's a difference in moist heat vs. heat from like a heating pad or something? So that's where I stand right now...crappy weekend diet wise. Tomorrow is weigh in day, so we'll see what damage has been done!!!

Wow!

So, I went to the ER tonight because the hip pain just became way too much. The didn't do any scans or anything, but the doc said she thinks that I have a pulled groin. Whack! It hurts like hell, and if this is what it is - I will never make fun of football players again when they say they have this! I still have my appt. on Tuesday with my regular doc to follow up, so we'll see what he says. We'll also see how the pain is then too. I'm supposed to ice it and heat it off and on...soooooooo.....only time will tell!

Crippling Pain

I don't know what's going on, but it hurts. It's a pain that I'm totally not used to. It's in my hip but it burns. So weird. I'm starting to believe that it's a pinched nerve possibly, since the pain radiates down to my shin and ankle. Yuck-o. I've got a dr. appt. on Tuesday, so we'll see how it goes. It's making life super difficult right now though. I don't want to sound like a pity party or poor me, but venting sometimes helps heal the mind. Keeping it all bottled up seems to make it worse somehow, but when I let it out and free, it helps to clear my mind. It doesn't matter if anyone reads what I write. It doesn't matter if they respond. It's all for my own personal sanity...LOL. It's how I cope I guess. I'm used to keeping things bottled up...but I've found writing to help me relax. Sometimes I ramble, sometimes I make sense...but that's just how I am. Anywhoo...time to brave the pain and try to get something done around here! Oh and eat a healthy lunch...maybe I'll finally make my veggie lentil soup! Yumm-O!

Spring is Coming!!!

This week has been absolutely beautiful!!! I took Isaiah out to play on Monday and was walking around the soaked yard and totally freaked out when I saw that the Daffodils are sprouting!! So, I'm walking around some more and then I see the wild onions growing...then the Lillies. It's so exciting. To breathe the fresh air, feel the sunshine warm against your skin, to smell the dirt and just the nature of things...it was truly wonderful. I hear it's supposed to rain for the next few days...I hope not! If so, it will work out tho. Mom and Chris are headed to Florida in the morning for my Uncles wedding. If it does indeed rain, it will give me time to give the house an overhaul. I tend to do that when everyone goes on vacation. I think it kinda keeps me sane while they're away. So yea, beautiful weather is on it's way for good. I'm sure in the middle of June I'll be begging for fall...but for now...the warmth can bring it on!

The wild onions sprouting

Lillies

Cleaning up the yard now that the snow has finally melted.

My cheese ball loving it up outside!

Cheat Day

So today was a cheat day for me. I don't think I went tooooo overboard. I had cheerios for breakfast and watermelon (delish!). Lunch...whoops...a McChicken. At least that was it tho...right? I've drank a sprite...mint brownie ice cream...4 cookies...ok ok...so I did crappy. I had a great weigh in today tho and tomorrow is back to the make-your-body-feel-good food! I started this journey at 155 pounds. On a 4'10" frame...thats a lot. Yes...obese. I hate that word. It's an ugly, horrible word...but hey, what can you do about it? My BMI has been over 32 and I've been trying and trying, waiting and waiting, for it to drop below that. Well, today it did! I hopped on the Wii Fit to do my daily Body Test and it was at 31.98!!! Not much, but enough to make me jump up and down. So yes, I cheated today. Does that mean I'm going to continue that? NO WAY!! Now it's time to keep it moving and get it below 30! Going below 30 will put me in the "overweight" catagory and out of "obese". However...that's about 18 pounds away. I can do it though. My final goal right now is to get my behind into a pair of jeans that are a size 7...they look so tiny...but I can only imagine how good I'm going to feel once I slide them up over my booty and button and zip them with ease. Oh how good that sounds....

No Pizza for You!

So, it seems my days are off and on. Thursday I felt amazing, Friday I felt like death. Saturday I felt great. I swear I was eating good all day and felt wonderful...and then pizza was ordered. I ate 2 and a half pieces. So a couple hours goes by and me and Jacob drive up to the theatre in Waldorf to see the new Alice in Wonderland in 3D. Sadly it was sold out. :( We decided to try and get to the theatre in Lexington Park, but as soon as we got in the car I was soooooo sick to my stomach. It got hot and sweaty, but my hands were cold, and felt like I was going to throw up. My body was screaming at me that it was angry with me for eating that pizza! It took the whole drive home for it to ease up on me.

So here we are on Sunday. I feel super! Isaiah woke up around 8am and hung out with Grandpa for a bit. Then came in the room and watched Monster Jam and played with his trucks, then watched Thomas the Train. Such a good boy he was this morning letting mommy rest! So I got up around 10:30am and got the little guy fed. I decided - eh, I'll do my measurements on the Wii Fit Plus. Usually, when I do this, I just weigh in and do my body test then vow to exercise on it later....some days I do, some days I don't. Well, today I felt so good I decided to just exercise right then and there and got in 32 minutes of cardio and about 6 yoga minutes! Then I cleaned up the kitchen, and made breakfast...which btw, is soooo good. I made oatmeal with some ground flax meal, cinnamon, and a little brown sugar. Oh, and some skim milk. On the side, I made me a tiny cup of half-caf coffee. I'm so proud of myself right now for making pretty much great decisions the last couple days!

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

When I was 21 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. At first I thought nothing of it. My mother and many women out there get cysts on their ovaries, so no biggie, right? Wrong! I looked it up and was devastated. I found out there is SO much more to it. Here's a brief definition with some of the symptoms taken from Wikepedia:

"Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is one of the most common female endocrine disorders affecting approximately 5%-10% of women of reproductive age (12-45years old) and was once thought erroneously to be one of the leading causes of infertility.

The principal features are obesity, anovulation (resulting in irregular menstruation), acne, and excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (masculinizing) hormones. The symptoms and severity of the syndrome vary greatly among women. While the causes are unknown, insulin resistance, diabetes, and obesity are all strongly correlated with PCOS."

So, once I read all this I suddenly became so very afraid. My biggest fear was that I would never be able to have children. I think most women when they are given this diagnosis feel the same way. It would have helped if I would have had a doctor who then continued to help me. Sadly, all I received was a letter in the mail after some tests had been done telling I had PCOS. The letter continued on by telling me to come back in a year for another check up. That was it. I'm just now getting to the point where I'm able to try and take control of it. Over the last ten years though, I was blessed with an amazing little boy who is now nearly 4 years old. He truly is my miracle baby, and I love him with every ounce of my soul.

(getting ready to go in for his adenoid and tonsil surgery)

Making the right choices

That's what the daily struggle is about. Making the right choices. Do you do the quick and easy or take a little more time and do it right? Today when I was on the verge of quick and easy, I remembered that right before I went to sleep I told myself that I was going to make oatmeal with ground flax meal and a little brown sugar for breakfast. So that's what I did! It was yummy and I feel full, but not stuffed. Still tired, but a little more energy than normal. I need to start getting my water intake better too. So for now I'm starting with 4 glasses a day. For me it might be tough but I believe I can do it! An old high school classmate of mine posted a quote today that hit me and totally woke me up. I hope that it will carry on to all who read it today.

The only thing worth saying today is to Never Quit!! Remember: No One Remembers you when you Start Something, but They Always Remember when you Finish. So, Finish at the End rather the Middle and Never Quit!!!

The beginning.

So here I am, finding my way into my new journey. I need something to keep me going...somewhere I can let out my daily struggles. The last two weeks have been rough on me due to girly crap and I've been exhausted. It's been a horrible cycle of feeling crappy, followed by bad eating and no exercise. I have to get myself together. I have to get healthy and get in shape so I can finally get some new hips. I found a great doctor at the University of Maryland Medical Center who finally agreed to give me hip replacements when I'm ready. He did however say that he wants us to exhaust all other measures, so for now I must stay on anti-inflammatories twice a day and he wants me to lose some weight. It's so hard between the hip pain, and my body holding on to weight due to PCOS. I'll post another day the details of how it all works, but for now I'm just rambling on in the middle of the night to give myself some motivation. They say keeping a journal helps....guess we'll see, eh? Here's to the first of many many blogs tracking my journey of weight loss, healthy eating, exercise...and in the long run....new hips!