Friday, April 8, 2011
9 weeks of Breathing Freely
That's right...9 weeks smoke free! I really don't even think about it much. I have the occasional urge that comes out of nowhere, but then it goes away as quick as it came. The only true temptations I still have are during pool league. The fact that the smokes are so accessible, and no one that is truly close to me is there to criticize me and know I'm doing it makes the temptation that much higher. However, this isn't about everyone else knowing what I'm doing, it's about ME knowing what I'M doing. The only person who it's going to hurt if I sneak a smoke is myself. Well, and Isaiah...because it's his mommy's life who's being shortened...and I'm trying to do everything I can at this point to ensure my life with him. Kinda like the orange sitting next to me that I'm eating. I feel that I'm at the point with the smoking addiction being somewhat under control, that now I can put more energy into controlling my eating addiction. Everything is hard in the beginning, but in the end it's totally worth it. That's the biggest lesson I've learned through the quitting of smoking. It's hard, really hard. I cried, I had anxiety & panic attacks just from the THOUGHT of not smoking. I would fill my head with the illusion that I liked being a social smoker, that I could handle just smoking when I went out in social situations. What a fool I was!! All that did was cause nasty mood swings and more and more cravings until I was smoking regularly again. I finally got to the point that I had to put myself first...who cares if I couldn't go outside with everyone at pool league and smoke. All it really is, is group suicide.... right?