Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
On a side note, I think my body hates me. How is it, that I can begin eating better and be more active and my weight goes up??? It could be that *girly time* bloating, but I don't know. I really hope it is, cause it's kinda heartbreaking when you feel so good and then you see that. But like the old saying goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day"! So, yea, I just have to keep it up and stay strong and I'll be better for it in the long run.
Friday, November 26, 2010
P.S. It's on the DVR ;)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
On a personal note that I didn't reveal before, a big part of this decision to quit was the true final ending of my on again, off again 3 year relationship. It's been a rocky road. The good times definitely out weighed the bad times, but I believe now that maybe we just really weren't meant to be. He was a great person, a good man. I think that we were trying to hold on to what we had, because it was pretty much both of our first real relationships. We *wanted* it work. We *wanted* it to be for the long haul. Now that there's been a real ending, not an ending with the prospect of getting back together "when things get better", I actually feel free. At first I was hurt. I begged for an answer. Within that begging I was hoping and praying that what we had wasn't about to really end for good...but it was, and it did. Something happened that day tho. I got mad, but I didn't cry. By the end of the day, I decided that this was the beginning of a new phase in my life. This was the night that I decided to smoke my last cigarette (minus a few slip ups). The day I decided I was worth more than how I was treating myself in so many ways. I'm eating better...much better. I still have slip ups in that area as well, but it's a process. Any addiction is a process and takes time. I've been more active, even if it's just doing more around the house, doing more outside, and doing more with Isaiah. I feel like a new person. I feel a sparkle in my eyes. I feel a smile on my face for no reason. Quite simply...I feel happy again. I feel alive. I think i've held myself down for so long, that I didn't know how to live. I lived in a world of "oh pity me", but I'm over that. My life is what I make it...and I will make it great. <3
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!!! Can you believe it??? We normally have a late Thanksgiving dinner and eat around 5 or 6. This year, though, I'm gonna switch it up. Gonna get up early and get things cooking so we can eat around like 2ish and then again later in the evening if we get hungry. Yesterday I made THE most amazing pumpkin rolls. It was my first time making them, so there was a little trial-and-error on the rolling part. By the 3rd roll, however, I figured it out. Some hours later, after they spent time in the fridge, I had a slice...and OMG sooooo delish!!!! I'm very happy I gave them a try. Oh, and did I mention that I made them from a REAL pumpkin? Yea, not the can crap...I rock, the end. HAHA!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
So I just finished sitting outside in the cool fall air and smoked my last cigarette. When I lit it I realized how truly symbolic it was. It represented all that is toxic. The pain and hurt, the jealousy and resentment, the anger, the heartbreak, the bad habits. As it got smaller and each time I blew out the toxic smoke, it felt like I was letting go of a little piece of each of those. Letting go of everything that has held me back my whole life. It's time to breathe free. It's time to let go. It's time to move on, time to heal. I know that through the strength of myself and with the help of God, I will become a better person. A better daughter, sister, friend, and mother. I will be better. I am better. I am worth it.
I am free...