It's been 2 weeks since my "quit smoking" day. I've done pretty good I think. I slipped up 2 times. Once was a social thing, and once was me being mad at something. The last slip was about a week ago, and I've been doing good since. My head definitely feels much clearer since I've been trying to quit.
On a personal note that I didn't reveal before, a big part of this decision to quit was the true final ending of my on again, off again 3 year relationship. It's been a rocky road. The good times definitely out weighed the bad times, but I believe now that maybe we just really weren't meant to be. He was a great person, a good man. I think that we were trying to hold on to what we had, because it was pretty much both of our first real relationships. We *wanted* it work. We *wanted* it to be for the long haul. Now that there's been a real ending, not an ending with the prospect of getting back together "when things get better", I actually feel free. At first I was hurt. I begged for an answer. Within that begging I was hoping and praying that what we had wasn't about to really end for good...but it was, and it did. Something happened that day tho. I got mad, but I didn't cry. By the end of the day, I decided that this was the beginning of a new phase in my life. This was the night that I decided to smoke my last cigarette (minus a few slip ups). The day I decided I was worth more than how I was treating myself in so many ways. I'm eating better...much better. I still have slip ups in that area as well, but it's a process. Any addiction is a process and takes time. I've been more active, even if it's just doing more around the house, doing more outside, and doing more with Isaiah. I feel like a new person. I feel a sparkle in my eyes. I feel a smile on my face for no reason. Quite simply...I feel happy again. I feel alive. I think i've held myself down for so long, that I didn't know how to live. I lived in a world of "oh pity me", but I'm over that. My life is what I make it...and I will make it great. <3